Drop your webs and line it up, ladies! This is war and I don't have time for you to sit around chewing yer aphids. I love the smell of Raid in the morning! Luckily, weapons of mass destruction play no part in this micromelee. This is pure hand to hand to hand to hand combat, with the occasional web ball, acid spit and rocket launcher thrown in for good measure.

You like Crokinole, do ya men? Maybe for you termites. I mean, what's that game about anyway? Pucks? Wood? Well, if you like crokie, yer half way to liking this!

You like fighting tactics type games? HeroScape? BattleLore? What if I tell you not only do we have the dex of Crokie, but the dice of HeroScape?

OK, I see some of you are getting uncomfortable. Some of you Euro guys. Yeah, I'm talkin' at you, Pierre. Quit yer chittering. You want out of this outfit, you just hit the pavement right now. Go ahead and raise yer crops, go back to momma and build you a city or something.

Now that the worm bellies have left us, let's get serious.

First, you gotsta put all these damned labels on these chips. Doubletime it, ladies, we ain't got all day. I understand, there's a ton of chips, but it's less than C&C, so deal with it. Just be prepared for that first setup time.

You got yer little round chips, big round chips, big rectangles, and the grey rectangle. That's grey rectangle is your shooter, so - Watch it son! Don't point that thing at me.

Our battleground is the green playmat included. A little springy, but bug chips jump better when a tablecloth is under it. With time, it will probably be worn bare, a monument to the mighty battles fought upon it. If so, well, good, it shows good use. This isn't for those of you who own card protectors.

Let's just understand the basic principle here, troops. It is simple, much like yourselves. Each side of this war has a team of chips of the same color being all yer bugs and projectiles. That's right, projectile vomiting for war. Love it, boys, love it. Each team has a few different bugs with different powers. For example, those Cyborg type yellow guys have tons of defensive tricks but not much in the ranged war department. Meanwhile, those blue US looking troops have a ton of mobility. Different teams have different strengths. We have 4 teams here. Promises for more. But we all know a promise won't save your thorax out in the trenches.

So each teams has their flat plastic army. And two dice. Again, those dice are unique to the team playing them. Each turn, the commander rolls his dice for his troops and it tells him who can go. Let's say he rolls a Warrior and a Digger. Well, smartypants, you guess it. He can move one warrior and one digger. Sounds like Memoir '44 with bugs a bit, don't it?

And yer move is where the mechanics of the mechanical mechanic come in. That's right, flyboys. The tiddly. Or maybe it's the wink. The thing. You know, the way you kind of, you know, you take the shooter thing and you press it down on the edge of yer disc and it ends up snap jumping away. That. That's what the game is about. Press down the shooter and the bugs go a-hoppin just like when you poke one in the antennae.

Is this too complicated, girls?

OK, now as stupid as this seems, you can actually gain quite a bit of skill flingin' bug bits around like this. Is there luck involved? Well, hell yeah, this is war! Luck of the die roll, and of course, the unpredictability of the bug disc that kind of half flips, lands on its side, rolls off the mat and proceeds off the edge of the table as all players stare in amazement at the tiny wheel and it heads under a large and immovable piece of furniture, as none of the spectating numbskulls think to stop it before it gets lost in a dust bunny ambush. Yeah, there's luck.

But, there's tactics. Especially multiplayer. Who do you attack, who do you leave? Its every bug for himself out there.

See, the objective is the bases. Now, they, like most of the components in the "advanced" version of this war are mere cardboard. That's right, we're fightin with cardboard! When one bug lands on top of another, normally that bottom bug is, well, bug food. Bases are just like that. Land on em, damage them and blow them up.

In the basic game, yer bases take two hits. Not one, but two. When two of 3 are gone, hit the road, arachnid, because you are out of there trooper!

Some bugs are on more die faces, some die faces activate multiple bugs types, some bugs are more numerous, and all bugs have some way they break the rules. And all's fair in love and tiddlywinks, beetlebreath.

Many bugs have a different flip side. When they flip during a move, something happens. Maybe it's move again. Maybe it's invincibility, maybe they bite back or puke acid. Whatever it is, it's usually pretty nice to have happen, even if you can't really make it happen every time you need it to. Wel, OK, maybe puking acid isn't best described as nice, but this is war! Tactics. Skill. Luck. All in one gooey ball.

Advanced warfare adds resources. Just like Warcraft or something like that. You get resources, spend em to power up yer bases and get bigger bases and cool powers. Well, the powers aren't phenomenal, but they do add some more flavoring.

Advanced rules also bring in some funky terrain bits, cleverly included, to add a bit of monkey to the wrench as it were. These do things like prohibit movement and cause meteor showers. All in the name of good wholesome destruction.

Skill is kill, boys, skill is kill. If you take out an enemy during your turn - whammo - bonus time. You get to move another bug. This really separates the pupae from the larvae. This is your chance to make something of yourself and makes this whole shebang NOT 100% luck. Its like if you were playing BattleLore and got a wild card. Pure thought. OK, and the luck of the wink thing.

What is this? This is war. This is random. This is somewhat uncontrolled. This is balancing a real skill against a tactical advantage. This is luck. This is incredibly flips and failed dinks where the attacker moves maybe a millimeter. This is glory and heartache.

This is fun.

TLDR: Tiddly Winks Bug Wars